"Kittellian"... Ah, where do I start? In a nutshell, it means to live your life like John Kittell. On a much more haunting level, it's the byproduct of analyzing the efficiency of every decision you'll ever make your entire life.
Will following the Kittellian theorem make me cheap?
Answer: "No"
Contrary to common belief, John Kittell isn't cheap. Cheap people can actually afford most things, but choose to cheat others to increase the depth of their gold coin swimming venues. To be Kittellian is to cheat yourself (when others might splurge), in order to save where/when it counts. The result of which is being able to afford the things worth buying (for yourself or others). People who buy one refillable beverage at a restaurant and share it with their spouse/partner are cheap. People who tip poorly are cheap. There are some other things, but the more I think about it, the more I fear I'll find that I too am cheap.
Will others judge me for acting Kittellian?
Answer: "Yes"
Being Kittellian isn't cool by any measure. But living your life in the Kittellian mind-set is to ignore the rules of normalcy and convention, which all too often result in wanton debt through phrases like "I'm worth it"... To be Kittellian is to use phrases like "Is it worth my hard-earned resources". To be Kittellian is to see a Farrari, and to envy the Fiat purchased by the cunning salesperson who sold that idiot a car.
Will being Kittellian make me rich?
Answer: "Maybe"
If you would be rich, if it weren't for your spending habits, then "yes". Hopefully the majority of you reading this blog will be able to look forward to not having to work as hard, in order to cruise through life a little more comfortably.
For many of you, the anticipation for this blog has been unbearable, and for that I'm very sorry. For the rest of you, buckle-up and hold on tight... But soon you'll realize that you're not in a car, and that the handlebars of a bicycle are not a comfortable means of transport. You're going to have to pedal.
